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R2D2 daughter of Serene
29 May 1992 *pressie please*
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2010-04-30
I dunno why and I couldn't care

"I dunno why and I couldn't care"
This is the topic of my day

I'm happy because of "that" and also unhappy because of "that".
But, there's nothing I could care or moan about.
I dunno why is he doing that, but I know, I am doing it as well
Logical??
Fair and Square??
Who knows??
Hopefully god knows.

I'm truly happy that you granted my wish
and I did not regret it
Unintentionally, I already fall for you without realizing it
or wanting it
What a failure am I being countered

I know, everything is too late now
Everything that happened is not reversible eternally

No, this blog is not welcoming you anymore
But, truth is always evil, I know you are no more here
I insist every single post of this are kept well secret from you!!


Countered,
Aki

P.S: I seriously am bad arranging facts and inspirations from my head *sigh* Practice practice practice!!








i get off
@21:10
2010-04-26
Speech

I have a lot of things to blurt out about my feelings first thing first I awake this morning but now @_@ I dunno what to blurt out because I lost all my inspirations *sigh* Do it some other time, then.

EPIC FAILURE GIRL!!

Auntie Heng is torturing me!! She always threatening me to teach *sob sob*

Miss Chong wants to me open Accounts *sob sob* although I scored and A in SPM but I still hate Accounts.

Okay, I hate everything that is related to study *blek*


Short-term-inspirations-lost,
Aki





i get off
@23:00
2010-04-22
Works . works . works

TIRED!! DEAD TIRED!! Ever since PC Fair job, I'm dead tired and haven't enough sleep. Come to think of it, I haven't had time to sleep in late in the morning everyday nor stay up till 2am like I used to.

Monday to Thursday: Working
Friday: Mandarin Class
Saturday: Piano Class

I only get to sleep in on Sunday *sob sob* I slept dead-pig every night without failure. I'm not having those unnatural-fast-hard-mode-heart-pumping anymore. Come to think of it, I don't remember when is the last time I'm having those unnatural heart beats. I didn't join in Jo Ann and Mei Yeen for shopping today even though I can make but it's not the right things for me to do and daddy wouldn't be happy. I agreed to help out Auntie Heng in her tuition center, it's my job to help out and not taking advantages to slack of since we're very close to each other.

Auntie Heng ask me to join in Modern Math Form 4 class to examine the teacher's teaching skills. Entering the room, I felt like I'm in Form 4 back, plus, my dress code today really looks like a student more than a part timer worker *chuckles* I refresh back my "Straight Lines" chapter. Seriously I were lost and didn't know what to do anymore. I admit I never were good in that chapter, struggled real hard to score in Modern Math Paper 2, no choice since it contributes a lot of marks, I can't afford to lose those marks!! I still remember I worked hard on that chapter in Add Math, once good, Modern Math isn't a problem anymore and I tend to use Add Math's equations and formula on Modern Math. When you get confident and smart, you'll tend to go on detour(higher standard), like showing off but I'm a Science Stream student, understandable for a Science Stream students to use such standard.

I was suppose to join in Chemistry Form 4 class as well but Sean arrived so I had to decline. Auntie Heng really wanted me to join in that class because her students are complaining unable to understand what the teacher is trying to teach. *Thinking* I was like that too back in my time. Auntie Heng thought Sean and I were staying for dinner since it gets really jam after 5pm and I'm really sick of it even though I am only the passenger. Can't afford to sleep when my brother became the driver. Only twice. Today I refrain myself from falling asleep and now, I wanna sleep. I really wanna stay for dinner on Monday and Thursday and also Friday next month *prays hard* Living in Selayang is really troublesome, travelling to everywhere in KL, definitely have to go through TRAFFIC JAM!! It's unavoidable!! I didn't choose wrongly on my University. I avoid traffic jam and waking up extra early when classes only starts in 2 hours time.

Reasons why I chose MMU:
  • I'll definitely staying there since Cyberjaya is too far from my home
  • Staying there means avoid jam and not a need to wake up 2 hours early before classes start
  • Staying there also means avoid mummy's nagging which I experienced in NS for 2 months and I enjoyed it a lot
  • I wanna live on my own(freedom) like how I did in NS
  • Get a closer relationships with him but it's a past now
  • Die die also don't want APIIT because of Sean and him there

Even though I get myself work up everyday but I still am not able to move on. Maybe I haven't find the right way yet. Sometimes, I've been wondering, if he request me back, how will I answer him?? Can I still accept him and go on like nothing happened?? when I really wanna him to accept me back. I always read in CC, I just have this small dreams that he'll really ask me back and also having this stupid small hope where I see from all lovey-dovey dramas: Fate. What will happen to either one of us when we do met up some years later? Married?? Single?? Available?? Unavailable?? Well, a girl can dream, can she?

It's only a small hope that will never come true, though. "Where there's no hope, there will not be miracles" quoted from a song. I have no guts to write an emo post *sigh* Just thinking about it, that's all. I'm happy by just troubling my minds with emo stuff.





i get off
@23:15
2010-04-20
PC Fair

PC Fair officially ended on 18 April 2010. Surprisingly, I applied jobs in PC Fair and ended up being a promoter for Acer under PC3. Suckishly, PC3 hired 90+ promoters and all being cramped in one booth included me. Imagine 90+ promoters competing to get at least 3 customers to increase salary and being the top sales, how hard was it for me to work!!! on the first day, yes!! 2nd and 3rd day were so much better. I got more than 3 customers and my salary raised.

The rest of my customers, I didn't take, I gave to Zact, my team leader for some purposes. Dumb am I?? Giving away my commissions for free, giving away my hard-earned-customers etc etc . . . but I have a reason why am I doing it. I hope he remembers what I did for him *prays hard*

12 hours standing were killing both of my legs and I didn't take any breaks at all except Zact was really hungry and asked Wen Bing, Seng Hoe and I to go and eat with him. Jo Jin didn't join in because she was broke ==" Let's talk about how I go through my 3 days work as a promoter at PC Fair, shall we??

1st Day
Woke up at 6.15am!!! Mummy drove me to KTM station and I was lucky, the train arrived at the same time mummy dropped me. No need to waste time waiting for KTM. Reach KL Central, waited 3 times to board on Kelana Line. Went into washroom to put on my contact lens. Then, walked all the way to Convention Centre, lost in the middle, called Zact, asked me to walk back to center court *=="* and someone will be there to pick me up *double =="* Super tired when finally met up with the rest of my team mates: Zact, Jo Jin, Wee Heong, Justin, Wen Bing and Me. On the first day of work, I was really blur because I couldn't remember all the 7 free gifts, Notebooks/desktops specs, retail prices, dunno-how-to-serve-customers etc etc ended up I only got one customer *><* Just giving out brochures, brochures were useless to me. Everyone had to take train back home but I were so much luckier, called my driver(brother) and fetched me. *jumps of joy*

Conclusions: Zact(Notebook), Wen Bing(2 Notebooks, 2 Desktop), Wee Heong(No idea), Me(1 Notebooks), Justin(nil)


2nd Day
Daddy fetched me in the morning *jumps joy* No need to take train again. See how lucky am I?? Reached there at the same time with Wen Bing and chatted with him to kill time. A lot of people reached there and waiting outside Convention Hall with us but we get to go in first and had to squeeze in a bit. Zact formed so-called strategy for all of us so that we can equally reach our minimum target. It didn't work well at first, but later on, we all worked on solo. Zact came and check on our sales from time to time and asked any of us who reached target to help get customers for members who haven't reach target, it's our responsibilities to help out each other. But, not only that, after some times, most of the promoters helping out one another even though we were not from the same group. Some improvements compared to first day. When I reached my target, I was too lazy to get more customers and just walk around and served customers and got sales without intention. Some customers even dragged me to open receipts for them, am just lucky. When you are not desperate for sales, you can work freely and so, luck will be by your side. Made a few new friends and started to talk around with everyone without knowing their names nor asking them. Just friendly mix and talk around. Around 7-8pm, went for dinner with Zact, Seng Hoe and Wen Bing at KFC. Then only got to know, Zact and Seng Hoe are from Ipoh. Never mess around with them in Cantonese, can never win unless you are those Stephen Chow's movies and dramas fans!! I got attacked by them real hard. Also, called my driver(brother) to fetch me home. See, I'm working and yet, still got people fetching me back from work.

Conclusions: Zact(more than 6 Notebooks), Me(4-5 Notebooks 1 desktop), Wen Bing(2 desktops lost count on Notebooks) . . . the rest, just can't remember

3rd day(Final)
Daddy fetched again. I am just way to lucky. 9.30am reached and had to wait till 11am only can barge into my booth. What I meant by barge in is, it's just too many people lining up outside convention hall. I need to really squeeze in between them and say "Excuse me" *phew* darn many people. At the beginning, no customers and I just use the same tactics to get customers and guess what *=="* Seng Hoe did the same thing as mine and accused me stealing his customers *=="""* I think I was lucky because I got like 3-4 customers after one another. Non-stop writing receipts to customers. As usual, Zact came checking on my sales and were shocked when I reached my target within 1hour. Rest of my group members were still below target and Zact had 0 sales. He felt sick and uneasy because of the sudden rushed-in-customers, he was unable to breathe and felt warm. He got cold sweats. Helped him to get customers and reached target withing 2 hours. He obviously was stalking me all the time. I called his phone and he appeared right behind me when I ask "Where are you now?" *O.o* The last customers I got for him were a gang of aunties, OMG, those aunties!! sounded exactly like mummy. They bargained for the lowest of the lowest price. I couldn't deal with them and gave to Zact. Pity him, deal with them for more than an hour. I can see he didn't wanna deal with them. We couldn't refuse them since they were buying 2 Notebooks, 1 desktop and 2 monitors. How could we let go such customers?! Around tea-time, everyone reached target except Jo Jin. Zact asked me to help her up and asked Jo Jin to stick next to me and learn selling tips from me since I broke record in my team and helped Zact to reach minimum target within short periods. Final Malay customers, I gave to Jo Jin.

My final customers really reminds me to be alert and never make mistakes even small ones. She bought the cheapest Netbook and wanna do photoshops, change theme etc etc but with the most basic processors, RAM and Window 7 starter, just can't support all these. She wanna upgrade to Window 7 Home Premium and silly me saying, "YES, most probably can". When she was testing her Netbook, problems happened and found out, such basic processor couldn't support Window 7 Home Premium successfully. Then, she requested to exchange her just-bought Netbook to a upgraded Netbook(Intel Pentium Dual Core). OMG, I was like exchange?? by adding up a few hundreds. Had to deal with manager, finally manager allowed. But but but . . . when they finished dealing I was like out from the Ballroom, down to Hall 1, Zact called my phone and asked me to return to Ballroom because my customer wanna see me, rushed back to ballroom, met up with my customer, cancel their previous receipts, open a new one, gave to counter, cashier shocked, dig back a few hours ago copy-receipts, paid and settled!! Finally!! Made my way down to have my dinner with my family. Reached lift, OMG, customer called saying "Can you please come up to the counter, cause some problem of the stock" I was like *WTF* Rushed back up to counter and customer said, "Sorry, it wasn't your problem, just the stock-people problem" they apologized and I rudely replied "It's ok" Well, I felt like I was rude to them since I didn't even look at them and smile, only thing in my mind was, what the heck happen with the stock-people. Finally, done dealing with the stock and got them their stock. Run back to KLCC and eat Burger King. OMG, dead tired. Jam all the way from Hall 1-5.

Met up with my family and eat Burger King, first time finished up my drinks, thought can refill but changed already, no more refill. Ugh, why!! Chatted with daddy and brother. Sean told me, he saw me promoting Notebooks to a Malay customer. Mummy asked "Did the Malay customer bought?" *O.o* Which Malay customer?? I got a lot. Sean bought his bag, finally!! He stole my bag and use it for his college. He surveyed HP and Fujitsu Notebooks and commented bad specs but high price(Fujitsu) bla bla bla . . . Around 8.30pm, walked back to Ballroom. Zact called and asked for my total sales. I got 8 sales, 1 of the sales wasn't mine, Alex used my book. Around 9pm, that's the end of job. Zact took out his Canon DSLR and starts to take photos of everyone. Had a great time spending last minutes photo-shooting and last day with the rest of the promoters and made a lot of new friends. Went back around 10pm+. Only got to know, most of the leaders are from Utar college and know each other very well. Really had a great time in PC Fair and hope to meet them again soon, maybe in the next PC Fair. Miss Vincent, Mr Tall Guy(190cm) . PC Fair was a memorable day for me. People I met there were really different from NS and school and tuition. Most of them are 4 years older than me. Even my leader is 2 years older than me. Their age range were around 18-25. Never had such old friends.

It's good to socialize more. Get to meet different kinds of people. I get more confident with new people around me. A good start before I join in MMU(still haven't get confirmation yet).

That's all I supposed. Hopefully, I didn't leave out any details and memories about my first job and also first visit to PC Fair 2010. By the way, I met up with LYN CC people: Kampung2005, Jamie, Goonie, -broken-, *forgot*. Had a nice chat with them and promoters beside me thought they were customers and were shocked when they were actually my friends. Plus, Kampung2005 were guy-promoter-beside-me customer on Saturday. Really saw how shocked his face was *rofl*

Nice friends and experiences,
Aki

P:S: Met up with Realz and Zen. *lol* Too bad, I was busy serving customers. Gomene~






i get off
@22:11
2010-04-13
UCTI = OL

I'M WORKING NOW~ YAY~!!!

I'm desperate on finding jobs nowadays. Stuck at home doing nothing but facing lappies 24/7 but not doing any homework for my PC Fair job in KLCC this weekends. @__@ I'll seek help from my uncle or my IT friends la, too lazy to do research, I wouldn't understand also *lol*

Before I started with my 2 days job life, let me talk about UCTI/APIIT. I DAMN attracted to that college now, no idea but that's how it is. I went there a few times already. Entered Enterprise twice and drive in there thrice but never ever got attached with it. I was being dropped in that college(consider IN because lepas guard house already) twice and waited there for 30mins and 60mins. HELL YAHHH~!! Waiting there doing nothing like an idiot seeing people, cars, buses and motorcycles passing by. Looking at different type of formal clothes students, teachers and workers are wearing. How to judge them?? Students are always with student ID tag hanging around their neck and a backpack behind. Teachers, without student ID tag and with a handbag. Workers, just stared at their face, you'll know whether he/she is worker. LOL. Now I feel like studying there instead of MMU. Not as bad as I thought it'll be, I guess. But, I just hate the heavy traffic jam from my house to UCTI/APIIT. It's sickening and dying. My brother is suffering from that now and it's already a year not to mention another 4 years to go *sigh* I don't wanna end up that way. This 2 days, I'd observed him driving to college early in the morning, pressing the break pedal up and down non-stop and speed up when the passed the jam. This morning, damn suckish, the whole road down Muzium Negara was blocked due to 2 big/fat lorry broken down in the middle of the tunnel that connects to Muzium Negara. Damn shitty right?? The whole road was Jammed for dunno how many kilometers away. Stuck in the car for nearly an hour already. My brother was late for an hour again. This is not the first time!!

Because of that, he can't fetch me to my work place and had to drop me in UCTI/APIIT AGAIN!!! DAMN FUKING SHITTY!! I waited for my uncle to fetch me from there *sigh* and sent me to work *lol* You may think he became "water fish", but you're wrong. He's not some "water fish" he's my BOSS!!! *chuckles*

Due to my unstable schedule now because of driving lessons and piano class so I chose to work with my aunt in her tuition center. No worries, I'm not becoming a teacher there, I already warned my aunt never to let me teach because I seriously hate teaching. I'll curse those brats aka students for being stupid and unable to understand my high-tech explanation *evil laugh* Sadly, I became an English and a Mathematics Standard 1 teacher *sob sob* and half Malay teacher. I'm just too sucky in my Mandarin, can't explain in Mandarin *sob sob* I'm a seriously a Chinese failure. I became a relief teacher on my first day of work, how unlucky am I?!?!

Today, which is my second day, NO, I'm not a teacher anymore *phew* I need to re-arrange and re-calculate all the bank statements and teachers' salaries of the year. (I was actually re-arranging my aunt's bad working attitudes. She didn't arrange according to months and just simply file them together. MY GOD!!) I'm her worker and I actually dare to tease with her summore *mmg xtau the word F-I-R-E-D* I tell you, her tuition center is so messy, I don't even have a work place to work, luckily Miss Chong was away part of the day so I can borrow her place and messy it up and didn't clean back, I'm a bad worker la. Never mind that. Not to say working as an office lady(was a clerk actually) but I'm just available just about anything: a teacher, a clerk, a waitress, a person onlin-ing(P1 is there), a student etc etc

Anyway, I'm only working 4 days in a week, depending on my brother's timetable. I'm still clueless about my salary since I'm such a slack-off worker(I'm being timid, it's actually the opposite). Even my aunt dunno how much to pay me *rofl*

Working tomorrow again, need to finish off my job fast, I hate delaying job especially office job. Waiting for my aunt to buy a Notebook so I can key in salaries statement. And I can't bare myself not being able to type in the day time.

My aunt suddenly think of, you can say as an idea, we(my brother and I) think it was a bright idea. My aunt planned to share money with my mom to buy a small and cheap apartment as an investment. Due to the time being we are both studying near Puchong, my brother in UCTI/APIIT and me in MMU, Cyberjaya not to mention my brother's girlfriend might be in UPM, Serdang we can stay in that apartment till we graduated. After that, that apartment can either use for renting or selling off. You know, that is actually a great idea. My brother can avoid traffic jam and waking up too early in the morning and too late reaching back home and too "ma fan" travelling back and forth during extra activities with his course mates, and I don't have to stay in Cyberjaya(not a big deal to me) and sometimes I can be a multi-task-er assistant again. During weekends, waited until my brother finishes his activities and fetch me back home to Selayang. On Sunday night, fetch me back to Puchong for tomorrow new week of schooling. This is EXACTLY an idea which will not happen EVER!! But IMAGINE if it happens, it'll be a HEAVEN for US!! YES, US!!

I typed too much. Stopping now~

OL = UCTI/APIIT,
Aki aka not a slack-off worker

P:S: Today, a student asked me a simple addition and subtraction Maths questions and guess what, I couldn't answer because I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT QUESTION!! Yes, it was in Mandarin *cheeks red* I was sooooo embarrassed. None of the students know I can't read or talk Mandarin yet except my aunt, uncle and Miss Chong *sigh*





i get off
@21:39
2010-04-08
Lost appetite

I LOST MY APPETITE!!! that I gained from National Service. Seriously, National Service served 6 meals a day and all are free really enlarge my eating appetite after I got back.

Now!!! I lost it. All because of too much gastric juices secreted and I completely ignore it and let it corrode my stomach wall all night long *ughhh* It as on Wednesday early morning around 2am. I was wide awake because of something and before that I slept 2 hours so kinda got energy. Something like afternoon nap. I tried to get back my sleep at 3am but couldn't because was wide awake, and I was hungry and I ignored it. Ughh, my stomach was growling crying for food and I leave it to starve. I was just too lazy to get down bed and seek for food. Suffering for 1 hr with that. Anyway, I doubt I'll be able to sleep after I get some food too.

I got up early that day. My air-cond was on and I was cold, got up, turn it off. Sleep back. Awake again. Felt hungry. Ignored(I'm a bad girl) Again the gastric juices corroding my stomach wall and worsen it. After it finished corroding, eating time. OMG!! I felt like vomiting. Dinner time, no appetite at all. My stomach is not digesting my lunch time food. It's like stuck in the middle of my alimentary canal and couldn't go down.

Today, went to Jusco because of some J Card member sales. Ate lunch, same thing happened. Whole journey, really wanna vomit. Dinner time, I didn't want to eat much because I know same thing will happen again. And it did.

I think I know what happen to my stomach. Too much "wind" accumulated inside and I couldn't get it out. I can't burp now. I forced, end up vomiting-feeling. Gave up *sigh*

This is gonna take some time to heal. Happened a few times during schooling, can't believe it happen again now *sob sob*

Kami-sama, please heal my stomach fast. I couldn't enjoy my food at all. I'm hungry but couldn't eat. Do you know how painful it felt??

Stomach-unwell,
Aki







i get off
@23:58
2010-04-07
No!! Absolutely NO!!

NO, absolutely NO WAY!!

I will not discuss it with anybody. It is my business, none of anybody business. I don't want to drag anyone into my problem and became 3rd party. It is a problem that I should face and handle by me and myself only.

This is a promise I made this seconds and it will be a promise to be kept forever and to be buried deep inside my heart now and then.

But, I did find some way to deal with my problem indirectly. Some ways of mine *chuckles*


Promise to be kept,
Aki







i get off
@00:08
2010-04-06
Unable to talk . . .

I don't have the courage to tell him what I'm feeling now

I don't dare to talk to him

I don't dare to wish him goodnight

I don't dare to send him any messages

I feel "alone"

He starts to leave me

I missed the "time" before I leave to NS

I missed the "time" I was in NS

I missed the way he cherished and make me happy when I got jealous and mad at him

Every single thing changes after "that" incident

He never finds me until I did

He's serious about what he was saying . . . but I didn't know or realized

Right now, all I can do now is keep my mind positive all the time and wait for the time to come

I hope the "time" is not a its-too-late time

What he said, looks like it's coming true *chuckles*

I hope he left this blog long time ago and never visits this anymore

What he read here may upset him

I don't want him to know any of my foolish thinking

But I do want him to care for me more


Craving for love,
Aki

P:S: The truth is, I do want him to read this blog but I wrote it in opposite
P:S: I should think wisely and be in his shoes






i get off
@00:21
2010-04-01
Once upon a time

It's been some time since I hear those words from him

Should I be sensitive??

Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't . . .

Why do I have this insecure feelings in me??


Unsecured,
Aki







i get off
@00:53